


Fairy Boys: Rock and Roll is a Prostitute

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Family, Glitterverse, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of the Fairy Boys series (7). The boys try and explain their glitterlove to Mr Lupin, get tickets to the concert, and go shopping. Remus wears leather.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairy Boys: Rock and Roll is a Prostitute

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Remus tapped the magically-modified Muggle record player with his wand. When the unmistakable introduction of 'The Ballad of Maxwell Demon' started, he smiled happily and joined Sirius on the sofa, resting his head on his shoulder and staring dreamily into space. Brian Slade's voice sent tingles up his spine... as did the scent of Sirius' aftershave and the warmth of his arm through his t-shirt, and the mindblowing knowledge that **Sirius was in love with him**.

"Mister, show me the way to Earth," came the voice from the speakers. Remus smiled. He'd felt as though he was flying ever since The Kiss, and turned his head slightly so he could lovingly press his lips to Sirius' shoulder.

"You want to know something?" Sirius asked, not bothering to wait for an answer before continuing. "I was so shocked when I found out you really like this stuff. This sort of music."

Remus sat up and looked at him. "Oh?"

"Not that I'm complaining, of course," Sirius went on. "You just... didn't seem the eyeliner-and-glitter type. You never really came across as a wild rock fan before."

Remus smiled knowingly and settled down again, reaching one arm across Sirius' stomach and cuddling him fondly. "Ah, right. I get it. You thought I'd be into classical music because I'm sophisticated and elegant?"

Sirius made no attempt to hide his smirk. "Nah, I thought you'd be an Osmonds fan because you're so poncy."

"Git!"

Remus whacked his boyfriend hard with a cushion, and Sirius laughed, pulling it out of Remus' grasp and tossing it across the room. Remus shoved him playfully, and Sirius tumbled off the sofa, dragging Remus on top of him.

"Oh, hello," he said conversationally, as one hand slipped down the back of Remus' trousers. "Lovely weather we're having, don't you think?"

"Yes, bloody marvellous." Deft fingers had popped open the button on Sirius' jeans and pulled the zip down before he knew what was going on. He squeaked when Remus' hand made contact with his rapidly growing erection.

"That was sneaky!"

"Want me to stop?"

"NO!"

So he didn't.

"I'm here to celebrate the one below," sang Brian Slade. "Last I heard from good God above was the slap on my ass by a lipstick-kissed elbow glove!"

"Sounds fun," Sirius said breathlessly.

"What?"

"Slap on the ass by a lipstick-kissed elbow glove."

"You don't have an elbow glove," Remus pointed out.

"Oh, yeah."

"And you're not wearing lipstick. Not any more, anyway," he added, grinning and rubbing at Sirius' smudged make-up with his fingers.

Sirius looked horrified. "Oh, shit, I forgot I was wearing make-up! Get off me. Have you got a mirror in he... EEEAHHH! Oh, fuck, god, okay, never mind, carry on doing that..."

Remus had to struggle to manoeuvre his hand in Sirius' tight jeans... although his fumbling seemed to be doing the job quite adequately. It was making Sirius moan very nicely, at least. Presumably, the repeated words, "oh, fuck, yes, fuck, god," were a **good** thing...

The lecherous groping session was cut short when the living room door suddenly opened, and Mr Lupin's half-exasperated voice said, "My god, you two are insatiable."

Remus quickly removed his hands from Sirius' trousers, and Sirius turned his back so he could tug the zip up, blushing and cursing under his breath.

"Um. Dad. What do you want?"

"To come in my living room and read my newspaper, if that's okay?"

Remus nodded, somewhat sullenly, and he and Sirius got up and sat meekly on the sofa again. "Do you want me to turn the music off?" Remus asked.

Mr Lupin sipped his coffee before placing it on the table by his armchair. "No, it's all right. I rather like it, actually... who is it?"

"Brian Slade," the boys chorused. Sirius pointed to the face on his t- shirt. "Him."

"Oh! Blimey!" Mr Lupin sounded bemused. "I'm sorry, I thought that was a woman."

Sirius looked mortally offended. "Excuse me?" he spluttered. "A **woman**?"

"Well, the make-up..."

" **We** wear make-up!" Sirius said, sounding anguished.

Mr Lupin put his paper down beside his coffee cup, and sat forwards with his elbows on his knees. "Come on, then," he said. "Educate me in this glam fad. Why the eyeliner? Why the glitter and feathers and satin and high shoes and flares?"

Sirius grinned. "Because, Mr Lupin," he said, "rock and roll is a prostitute. It should be tarted up. Performed." Mr Lupin looked taken aback for a moment, then Sirius added, "And anyway, boys with painted nails make my knees go weak." He glanced at Remus, who was averting his eyes and stuffing his nail-varnished fingers in his pockets and trying his very hardest ( _ohgodnostupiddon'tthinkabouthardidiot_ ) not to shag Sirius silly on the rug.

"Right..." Mr Lupin said, although he was shaking his head slowly. "I can't say I see the appeal, but that doesn't mean you're wrong."

"Dad fancies Marilyn," Remus said. He nodded towards a framed black and white 'Niagara' still that sat on the coffee table. His father's eyes glazed over a bit.

"Oh. Yes. The advantages of Muggle Studies," he said with a wide smile.

They fell into a comfortable silence. Sirius broke it a minute later; his voice held a dazed sort of tone, similar to Mr Lupin's when he'd spoken of Marilyn Monroe.

"Bloody hell," he said. He sounded completely awe-struck. "I'm sorry for teasing you about her, Remus. I've never seen her before. Bloody hell!"

"Oh? You approve now?" Remus asked, amused.

"Hell, yes!"

"Hang on a minute," Mr Lupin said. "So, you're saying you're bisexual?"

Sirius shrugged. "I suppose so. Yeah, I like boys, I like girls... they're all great! There's no difference, is there..." He paused, and flashed The Smile, "...Mr Lupin?"

Remus frowned and nudged his boyfriend. "Sirius, stop flirting with my dad. That's seriously unnerving..."

Sirius shook himself and grinned. "Sorry!" he said. He didn't sound very sorry at all. Mr Lupin just laughed, and unfolded his newspaper.

"Better keep your eye on that one, Remus," he said, winking at the boys before finally turning his attention to the headlines.

"Oh, don't worry," Remus muttered. "I intend to."

Sirius had just started to reply, when Mrs Lupin stuck her head around the door. "Floo call," she said. Her voice was still short and cold, and Remus cringed inwardly. "It's Lily. She seems a bit... distressed."

The boys looked at each other for a moment then dashed into the other room and sat on the floor in front of the old-fashioned fireplace. "Hey, Lily!" they said together.

"Is something wrong?" Remus asked.

She didn't bother greeting them, or answering. With shining eyes, she simply said, "Mum got the tickets!"

"Oh, YES!" Sirius yelled, punching the air as if he'd just scored a spectacular Quidditch goal. He threw his arms around Remus and hugged all the air out of his lungs. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!"

"When you've finished having your orgasm..." Lily said, grinning at her friend's delight.

"I'm **never** going to finish!" Sirius declared dramatically. He planted a great smacking kiss on Remus' lips to emphasise it. "We're going to see Curt and Brian! We're going to see Curt and Brian! Yaay!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Right, you seem busy. I'll call you back about staying over at mine, okay?"

"All right," Remus managed to say. Sirius just hugged him tighter, and Remus squeezed his eyes shut. "Bye, Lily."

Remus' parents favoured jazz, so of course the whole rock concert scene was completely new to him. Well, the whole rock **music** thing was sort of new to him. Glam, at least. Until Sirius and James' glam obsession had really taken off and spread to everyone else in the Tower, Remus had preferred sixties bands like the Kinks and the Doors.

So, he started to get a bit nervous about the concert as he prised Sirius away. By the time they got up to his bedroom, he was really panicking.

"What am I going to wear?" he asked, frantically scrutinising his album covers to see the sort of things that were required.

"Well, what have you got?" Sirius asked. "You're wearing your one pair of good flares, and you have about three thousand pairs of straight-legs. You're not wearing those, so let's go with what you have on now."

"They're too small, though."

Sirius grinned. "I know. I like it.

" **Uncomfortably** small."

"Aw. Okay, anything else?"

"I've got my grey dress robes?" Remus suggested. Sirius shook his head.

"Not practical. You want to wear trousers." Sirius slid off the bed and knelt on the rug beside Remus. He tapped a picture that showed Curt Wild standing against a wall looking sultrily into the camera and holding a guitar. He was wearing leather trousers that flared out at the ends over platform shoes, a tight blue shirt, and black eye make-up. As Remus watched, he flicked his long blond hair out of his eyes and dropped a slow, lazy wink. "I think you should go for something like Curt," Sirius said.

Remus snorted. "Right. As if I could pull all that lot off."

" **I'll** pull it off," Sirius said immediately.

Remus Looked at him. "I mean, I could never get away with all that."

"You could!"

Remus just shook his head, still smiling. Sirius looked incredible in eyeliner, but Remus had always found the idea of it on himself sort of uncomfortable. He'd bought some flared jeans, a pair of heeled boots, and had let Sirius paint his nails twice, but that's where he drew the line.

"Okay, listen," Sirius said impatiently. "You want to fit in with the rest of the fans, right?"

"Yes..."

"Well, the rest of the fans won't be wearing straight-legged trousers. We're going shopping."

~+~

Sirius led Remus down the main road in Godric's Hollow and stopped in front of a shop. Remus gaped at the mannequins in the window. He'd never seen so much glitter and satin in his life.

"This is my mum's place," Sirius said proudly. "Isn't it great?!"

"Great," Remus echoed faintly, unable to take his eyes off a pair of magenta cords with about a three-foot diameter to each flared leg.

"C'mon!" Sirius tugged impatiently on Remus' hand, and they went inside.

The interior of the shop was painted white, but with all the mirrors and posters on the walls it was difficult to tell. Rails of clothes and shelves of shoes lined the floor, and there was a counter near the door. The woman behind it looked up from her magazine and smiled at them.

"Hello, Sirius!" she said. She came around the counter, pulled him forwards, and planted a huge kiss on his cheek, then smiled at Remus and hugged him too. "Hello, dear. What are you two doing here?"

"Guess what, Mum?" Mrs Black shrugged her shoulders, and Sirius yelled, "LILY GOT OUR BRIAN AND CURT TICKETS!"

"Oh!" Mrs Black squealed. "That's brilliant!"

Remus' mother hadn't been quite so ecstatic at the news.

"And Remus needs a makeover," Sirius continued, with a sly look at his boyfriend.

His mother's grin widened. "Brilliant!" She ushered Remus into the changing room, then she and Sirius began dragging clothes off the rails and tossing them in to him.

~+~

"No," Remus said flatly. "No way. Absolutely not. Never. Sorry, no offence," he added quickly to Mrs Black. He looked at his reflection and grimaced. "God... I look like a girl," he grumbled. "An **ugly** girl."

"We want to see," Mrs Black called from the other side of the curtain. "Are you decent?"

"No," Remus said again. Sirius pulled the curtain back anyway and looked at him, trying not to laugh.

"Okay, maybe the feathers are a bit too much," he said. He reached forwards and unwound the purple feather boa from Remus' neck then looked at him again. "There, it's not too bad now."

"It bloody is," Remus snapped. "I am **not** wearing satin trousers in public, Sirius!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We'll try something else, then," he said. "Get 'em off."

~+~

"No," Remus said. "Not if you paid me a billion Galleons."

~+~

Remus laughed at his reflection despite himself. "Never! You'd have to kill me to get me into this again. And then I'd come back as a poltergeist and throw spiky things at you and drop pianos on your head while you sleep."

~+~

Sirius and his mother looked despairingly at the ever-growing 'No' pile, then at the curtain, behind which Remus was muttering something about spiky pianos, then at each other.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Mrs Black asked carefully. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, and all that?"

"I'm thinking rock star..." Sirius said slowly.

"I'm thinking tight..."

"I'm thinking sex personified..."

"I'm thinking flared..."

"I'm thinking..."

"Leather," they said together, decisively.

Mrs Black nodded and grabbed a pair of leather trousers from a shelf. "Remus?" she called.

"What?"

"Try these." She threw them over the curtain.

"And this," Sirius added, tossing a shirt after the trousers. "And..." he looked around the shop for inspiration. "And this, and these." He pushed a belt and a pair of boots into the changing room, then they waited. Eventually, the edge of the curtain was folded back and Remus' amber eyes peeked out.

"It's better than satin, at least," he said. He sounded embarrassed.

"That's Remus-speak for 'I'm a sexy beast'," Sirius translated for his mother. Remus mock-glared at them both, then drew the curtain back and laughed as Sirius almost passed out.

He was wearing black leather trousers, tight at the hips then starting to flare out at the knee. His black boots had been replaced by a pair of red ones with platform soles and sparkling heels, threaded with glittery red laces. The belt was transparent plastic, shot through with red glitter like the boots, and the shirt he was wearing was dark red silk, with huge pointed cuffs that folded back to halfway up his forearms. It was fastened with three buttons at the front so it opened a little at the bottom and showed a few inches of Remus' stomach when he moved.

"Oh, dear god..." Sirius said weakly. "You look..."

"I look **gay** ," Remus said. He stepped out of the changing room and looked critically at his reflection in a mirror.

"You **are** gay," Sirius pointed out.

"Yes, but now I **look** it."

Mrs Black stood behind Remus and looked over his shoulder at his reflection. "Lose the belt," she suggested. Remus took it off and dropped it in the 'No' pile. "Okay..." she said. "There's still something not quite right..."

Remus groaned. "We've been here for hours!" he complained, reaching up and rubbing his eyes tiredly. Mrs Black snapped her fingers.

"That's it! Come over here."

She grabbed Remus' hand, dragged him to the counter, pushed him into a seat, then selected a tub of something black. "Close your eyes," she said, but he opened them wide and stared at her.

"No!" he said. "I'm not wearing make-up. I feel like a transvestite anyway."

"Oh, come on!" she wheedled. "Humour me, okay? Let's just see what it looks like."

Remus sighed and closed his eyes. After a few minutes of being poked and prodded with various brushes, Mrs Black told him to open his eyes. He went back to the mirror where Sirius was standing open- mouthed and wide-eyed and looked in... and saw a perfect example of glam rock gorgeousness looking back. He was pleased to see he didn't look like a Rocky Horror Show extra -- all she'd done was put a bit of black eye make-up on him. In fact... he shot a glance at Sirius and smiled... he didn't look bad. Not bad at all.

"What do you think?" Mrs Black asked her son. Sirius just gurgled, and Remus laughed.

"We'll take the whole shebang!"

~END~


End file.
